I used to be someone that would lie. Let’s face it, many of us lie every day and think nothing of it.
The truth I’ve learned is that lying will kill your success. Lying is like putting up a giant sign that says “I’m messed up, please don’t talk to me or listen to me.”
“Never ever lie about anything to anyone. Counterintuitive, but this seems to be a huge social hack and people like you a lot more if you always tell everyone the truth, no matter how embarrassing or hurtful” – Serge Faguet
Today I went to the market. There’s this one Fruit & Veg store run by a fifty-year-old dude and his three sons who are all teenagers. Every now and then they have deals.
The first deal was avocados a few weeks back which I bought from one of the sons. I got home and realized they shortchanged me.
The second deal was some oranges. One of the young boys weighed them and then tried to charge me for an extra kilogram. I could see in his eye that he was lying.
The third deal was today when I tried to get the mango deal. The same young boy then told me that I should have an extra one implying it was free to get rid of stock. He then charged me for all three. This time, I let him do the wrong thing. The bad news is I won’t ever visit them again even if they have the greatest deal of the century.
I also noticed that their store is always empty yet they have good produce and excellent prices. My guess is that others have figured out, that this family just lies.
Does lying really make you win in the long term?
Firsthand, I’ve seen the answer to be no.
Lying to gain more suggests that you don’t already have enough, and therefore have to cheat, to gain something you didn’t earn in the first place. Long term, you repel the people that could help you be successful, away from you. Lying makes you appear selfish and ugly at the same time.
There are no shortcuts.
“Lying is often used to gain progress that has not been earned”
If you steal or sell illegal drugs, then you are being dishonest. In the short term you may get that Lambo which you can do burnouts in, but in the long term, you’ll fail.
As humans, we’re wired to move away from liars and have fewer dealings with them. Deep down, we all hate being lied too. It’s a dreadful feeling that guarantees a once only misplace of trust (sometimes two, in my case of the market).
All liars eventually get caught.
You’ll eventually get found out. Technology is everywhere and it can now be used more than ever to bust liars. The only way forward in this fast moving, technological world is via the truth.
The truth will set you free.
– Lack of fulfillment
– Doing the wrong thing
– Feeling bad about lying
– Not being who you were meant to be
Lying then becomes a habit.
It’s sort of like being untidy. We hate it, it frustrates us but we keep doing it because it’s all we know how to do. We must break the pattern of lying.
Dreadful habits like lying take us further down the path of misery. What seems small at the start, becomes a giant boulder later on that can run over the top of us and squash us like a tomato – thus resulting in tomato sauce.
Our habits shape who we are today, and who we become – it’s so cliché I know!
Even small lies are a problem.
Whether it’s shortchanging someone twenty cents, saying you accomplished something you didn’t or lying about who else you’re sleeping with, it’s all messed up.
“Small lies lead to even bigger lies down the track”
The biggest liars we know all started out with little lies.
First, it was how much money they had.
Then it was how many partners they’ve had.
Before you know it, they’re lying to their own customers and stealing from them.
There is no need to lie. Honesty is easier.
The crap thing about lying is it’s hard. You have to remember all the BS you told people and there’s even greater risk you’ll get found out lying. Every lie you tell (especially those you repeat often) get told slightly different.
Our memories are already bad enough. We don’t need the burden of lying to hold us back as well as all the other struggles that life gives us.
3 benefits of giving up lying:
1. Not lying makes you vulnerable.
Being 100% honest can be challenging at times and it requires you to be vulnerable. Why? Because the truth often contains elements that are difficult to share with people. Things like:
– You may have been an addict
– You may have committed criminal acts
– You may have been massively obese
– You may have suffered from a health problem like acne
Sharing these truths requires you to be vulnerable and that’s a key ingredient in success. Vulnerability brings people closer to you and helps make you relatable. That’s why your social media feeds are now filled with vulnerable stories because deep down, we love them.
2. Not lying is rare, which is why you should do it.
“Doing what everyone else does is the fastest way to be mediocre”
You’ll never solve problems or do the impossible if you just settle for the crap most people put up with. Standing out and being the bright green horse is an awesome way to live.
Being honest requires you to be disciplined and stop the impulse of lying in its dreadful tracks. With this discipline comes a habit that will cross over into other areas of your life like food and exercise.
3. Honesty is damn sexy.
People are attracted to honesty. It’s addictive because true honesty is so rare. Honesty makes us feel comfortable, significant and drawn into these damn fine creatures that tell the truth.
***My story of lying.
I can admit that I used to tell a lot of small lies. I’m not proud to admit that. Then I took a long hard look at myself and was not happy with what I saw.
I saw someone who was tired, pissed off, unhealthy, anxious, depressed and everything else under the sun. I saw lying as being the seed for many of these frustrations in my life.
I experimented with being stupidly honest. I told the supermarket cashier when they scanned something and entered the wrong price (when it was in my favor). I told my people leader at work about every corporate card expense and refused to charge things to the company even when I could have.
I told my girlfriend every time my ex-girlfriend messaged me asking for favors.
As a result, people trust me. I am able to earn trust like it’s up for sale with a $0 price tag.
I don’t have to remember what I told people because the story is always the same – the truth.
In the last five years, I feel much better about who I am. I can honestly say that I’m trying to be the best version of myself and help people. This pattern of honesty has also made me attack goals that I previously ignored.
For example, I was never doing any charitable work and I told myself that I was. Charitable work has taught me so much about the people I used to put down in my own mind. Just because you are a prisoner, or homeless, or have tattoos, does not mean that you don’t deserve respect and to be listened to.
It’s time to cash in all those lies you tell and exchange them for the benefits of the truth.
The truth is the number one way to attract people into your life who can help you reach your goals.
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