You won’t realize you’re dating a narcissist. Narcissists are skilled at making people like them. They can be very alluring and charming and exciting to date. In fact, in one study, it took seven meetings for people to see through their likable veneer. In a dating situation, a narcissist has greater incentive to win you over — sadly, sometimes all the way to the altar.  Narcissists are often physically attractive, charismatic, and sexually appealing. We’re drawn to their intelligence, entertaining personality, special talents, or professional success. Their company can be pleasurable and never boring.  Dating as a Game Although some narcissists seek long term relationships, others are expert game-players. Their goal is to win. “The chase is better than the catch.” Their objective [...]

If you’ve felt like your virtual meetings, or even the quality of your relationships with the participants, have seemed “different” than they did in person, you are not wrong. Researchers (Mehrabian, 1981) have long studied non-verbal communication and have determined that approximately 7% of our communication comes from the words we say; 38% comes from the tone of our voice; and 55% comes from our body language. Although there has been controversy regarding these exact ratios, one thing is for certain: how we are understood and how we understand others is based on much more than the words we speak.   There are a multitude of factors related to non-verbal communication that can be muddied in this current climate of expanded virtual platform use, [...]

Strong-willed people are successful, yet those who are willful often sabotage their success. Willful individuals can be fiercely stubborn in their opinions and pursuit of their goals, ignoring what other people think and need. They often fiercely force their will despite obstacles or negative implications. Their behavior has obsessive and compulsive qualities in that they’re unable to let go.  In contrast, a strong-minded person accepts life on life’s terms, which provides a solid basis for constructive, effective action that is well-considered and not compulsive. Self-Will One of the early authors on codependency, psychiatrist Timmen Cermak, believed that codependents and addicts “control their lives by sheer force of will.” The book Alcoholics Anonymous attributes the phrase “self-will run riot” to selfishness, “driven by fear, [...]

Our relationships are mirror images of who we are. They reflect how we think and feel about ourselves. What we were taught in childhood is often carried with us through life. This point is driven home with the choices we make in our relationships. Our experiences shape our view of the world and ultimately whether we view ourselves as worthy or lovable. The old adage, “We are the company we keep” holds true here. Thus, if we grew up in a healthy environment, then the relationships we have with ourselves and others should be relatively healthy. The opposite holds true if we grew up receiving conditional love or love mixed with indifference or shame. Being raised in a toxic environment is often the [...]

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’” – Robin Williams Spring has sprung. Days are getting longer, sunnier, and warmer. While winter in colder climes can drive people indoors and into a low-grade depression, spring — ah, spring — invigorates the body and soul. Some studies show it also brings an upsurge in cheating. The songs aren’t wrong: Springtime seems to be a time for lovers, even the cheating ones. Why? There are a number of speculations:  It may be primal. Spring is the season of mating for most creatures. Perhaps people are still wired to look around for a desirable mate. Just as is true of other critters, males may feel the urge to compete with other males for the attention [...]

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’” – Robin Williams Spring has sprung. Days are getting longer, sunnier, and warmer. While winter in colder climes can drive people indoors and into a low-grade depression, spring — ah, spring — invigorates the body and soul. Some studies show it also brings an upsurge in cheating. The songs aren’t wrong: Springtime seems to be a time for lovers, even the cheating ones. Why? There are a number of speculations:  It may be primal. Spring is the season of mating for most creatures. Perhaps people are still wired to look around for a desirable mate. Just as is true of other critters, males may feel the urge to compete with other males for the attention [...]

Prior to 1960, the residents of the little town of Roseto, Pennsylvania, had superpowers. Roseto was highly resistant to the biggest killer in the United States. Even today, it accounts for well over 600,000 deaths a year. Yet, Roseto had a fraction of the deaths compared to nearby towns.  What was this villain?  Heart Disease.  This caught the eye of the Center for Social Research at Lehigh University, who conducted a study. What they found was amazing. The residents of Roseto didn’t have a special diet, exercise routine, or access to unique medicine. What they did have: strong relationships.  Roseto was a town made up of immigrants from Southern Italy that were able to preserve the family traditions of the old country. Households consisted of multiple generations [...]

Prior to 1960, the residents of the little town of Roseto, Pennsylvania, had superpowers. Roseto was highly resistant to the biggest killer in the United States. Even today, it accounts for well over 600,000 deaths a year. Yet, Roseto had a fraction of the deaths compared to nearby towns.  What was this villain?  Heart Disease.  This caught the eye of the Center for Social Research at Lehigh University, who conducted a study. What they found was amazing. The residents of Roseto didn’t have a special diet, exercise routine, or access to unique medicine. What they did have: strong relationships.  Roseto was a town made up of immigrants from Southern Italy that were able to preserve the family traditions of the old country. Households consisted of multiple generations [...]

Many people seek partners based on a list of qualifications or instinctive attraction to certain types. These approaches, though popular, do not consider the flavor that will emerge, when features they are drawn to co-mingle with their own personality. Different matches create their own dynamics that emphasize or inhibit aspects of ourselves — impacting how we feel, our state of mind and who we become. Even with relatively consistent personality characteristics such as being anxious/insecure, who we partner with affects how these traits play out. Desired qualities, or attractions, typically have little bearing on whether a partnership will create a sustainable match, and instead can lead to unforeseen outcomes.  Roller Coaster Ride Being attracted to: excitement, emotion, intense connection, “soulmate” feeling Taylor, 18, [...]