About Darlene Lancer

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So far Darlene Lancer has created 3 blog entries.

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

You won’t realize you’re dating a narcissist. Narcissists are skilled at making people like them. They can be very alluring and charming and exciting to date. In fact, in one study, it took seven meetings for people to see through their likable veneer. In a dating situation, a narcissist has greater incentive to win you over — sadly, sometimes all the way to the altar.  Narcissists are often physically attractive, charismatic, and sexually appealing. We’re drawn to their intelligence, entertaining personality, special talents, or professional success. Their company can be pleasurable and never boring.  Dating as a Game Although some narcissists seek long term relationships, others are expert game-players. Their goal is to win. “The chase is better than the catch.” Their objective [...]

By |2020-05-10T07:00:21-07:00May 10th, 2020|Categories: Relationships|0 Comments

Strong-Willed or Willful?

Strong-willed people are successful, yet those who are willful often sabotage their success. Willful individuals can be fiercely stubborn in their opinions and pursuit of their goals, ignoring what other people think and need. They often fiercely force their will despite obstacles or negative implications. Their behavior has obsessive and compulsive qualities in that they’re unable to let go.  In contrast, a strong-minded person accepts life on life’s terms, which provides a solid basis for constructive, effective action that is well-considered and not compulsive. Self-Will One of the early authors on codependency, psychiatrist Timmen Cermak, believed that codependents and addicts “control their lives by sheer force of will.” The book Alcoholics Anonymous attributes the phrase “self-will run riot” to selfishness, “driven by fear, [...]

By |2020-04-24T07:56:46-07:00April 24th, 2020|Categories: Relationships|0 Comments

The What, Why, When and How of Detaching from Loved Ones 

Codependents become overly attached — not because they love so much but because they need so much. Attachment is based upon need — need for someone to be a certain way so that you can feel okay. Although it’s painful to see a loved one being self-destructive, detachment allows us to enjoy our life despite another person’s problems and behavior. What gets in the way are codependent patterns of managing and controlling, reacting and worrying, and obsessing.  Attachment and caring are normal. It’s healthy to get attached to someone in our family or with whom we’re intimate, but codependent attachment cause us pain and problems in relationships. We can become over-involved. The antidote is to detach and let go.  What is detaching? Detachment [...]

By |2020-02-28T07:00:34-08:00February 28th, 2020|Categories: Relationships|0 Comments